Technology Not Geology

(This is a story of the continued sagas of Reverend Magadi. The sequel.)

Adam loved Cryonics. It was his most favourite unit among the many others that comprised of his Cremation Science major. As a requirement to the wider Chemical engineering degree course carriculum, each student was required to individually research on a project. Adam had in mind putting up a crematory. In the project report, he had to work out the logistics involved. This was two-fold. One was the initial capital investment and the subsequent maintenance costs of the equipment. Two was the “customers” issue-whether deceased families would be willing to dispose off their loved ones by burning the corpses.

The idea was borne by Rev. Magadi, Adam’s father. He was the incumbent arch-diocescern arch-deacon. He was an extremely ambitious man who reckoned it was possible to manufacture crude oil from cremated remains! He argued that since one of the sources of crude oil is fossil fuels which is gotten from organic matter (like human beings) that died, was buried long ago and has been subjected to very high temperatures and pressures that occur naturally under the earth crust;- if it can be possible to create these conditions artificially, then it can also be possible to manufacture crude oil artificially.

This inspired Adam to carry out a research on it. He put the idea through a rigorous feasibility study and came up with a research paper titled “ARTIFICIAL OIL MINES”, which contained many facts. That the world population, at 6.6 Billion and eight deaths occurring per every a thousand lives, this means 52 Million deaths per the world population in real-time. The average weight of one person’s cremated remains is 2.7 Kilograms (1.8 Kgs- 3.6 Kgs.), which arithmetically translates to 140 Million Kg. of cremated remains at any one time (even without factoring in the world population growth rate). This means that, the world can, at the current death rate, sustain One hundred and forty thousand tones of crude oil at any one time from human beings cremations alone, which gives the 83 Million barrels of crude oil a day (what the world currently produces), a run for its money; considering the fact that the natural crude oil reserves contain only a fraction of human organic matter.

There were hindrances to this idea. Mainly ideological challenges.The issue of faiths and religions. Islam for instance doesn’t allow for cremations and they are a whooping 1.3 Billion of them worldwide. It would be no mean feat convincing the masses against their faiths especially on the basis of the theory that the buried corpses have got no other use apart from constituting to natural crude oil.

Reverend Magadi seconded his son in all his endeavors. “Son, this is a noble idea that can even win the Nobel peace prize. Remember, in the year 2005, the Nobel peace laureate won the prize on an almost similar platform. She advocated planting of trees to provide an alternative source of energy. This, according to her would help curb the fighting for oil as the sole source of energy and the regional fragmentations as a result of scrambling for the resource. Son, when this idea comes to pass, instead of America waking up one day and force their way into the Iraqi oil fields, each country will assume a sovereign, almost sacred duty to transform its fallen citizenry into the black gold. All countries of the world will have oil! Resource distribution will be more equitable, international over-dependency will go down and the shape of world politics will take a positive turn towards peace. Scramble for the natural resource will end since then, people will get the true picture (and America had better realize this now) that it’s not just the Iraqi oil they’re after but actually Iraqis’ ancestors!”

Adam was amused by his fathers analogy. He recalled a theory he studied in school. The Malthusian theory. It predicts that in time, the world population will rise to overwhelm the resources that occur naturally to sustain it. This reinforces the need to seek alternative sources of the resources since man can’t obviously do without them.

It was on a Sunday and Rev. Magadi was on the pulpit. “Fellow Christians, I salute you with a verdict. Today, I wish to emphasize to you that the most important thing in all of us is the soul. The spirit. Our bodies are mortal,- souls are eternal. When we die, our bodies are buried, they go to rot and that’s it. If only we could find value in dead bodies instead of just disposing them in grave yards. Brethren remember, scripture does not reject cremation,” there were murmurs across the congregation. Nevertheless, Rev. Magadi braved them and carried on with his sermon. “I will repeat, scripture does not ban the burn, as long as it’s not done for reasons contrary to biblical teachings.”

There was more disquiet in the church. People appeared openly disturbed by the sermon. Rev. Magadi knew it was no mean feat preaching cremation!-to convince the congregation to opt for cremation as a permanent substitute to burying the dead. This, according to him will help save on land and trees since cemetery gardens and coffins will become history. Unfortunately, even before his sermon was over, almost the entire congregation was out of the church in different opinion groups. "What? cooked flesh to run my car? What the hell is wrong with him?" Most people thought it was absurd, others felt it was a conflict between science and religion while some just couldn’t take any of it.

Rev. Magadi ended up to the psychiatrists. Adam’s research paper ended up in the waste paper basket while Adam himself remains the naïve teenager living under the tutelage of an illusionist.

Isaac Keah. 22.

The Welder And The Acrobat

Well, these are not two different people, it's one lady. It's not even about her proffessions, it's her dress code. If you are confused, then you are just like I was when I saw her. She was in goggles and was walking on stilts- this welder and acrobat!

I turned back to look at her and her sleeveless top revealed a scar- sorry, a tattoo on her shoulder!

Ha ha ha! ati sun glasses; that size? Those were goggles- I swear! Wait, wait..., what kind of shoes are these that you have to struggle to keep in balance? High -heel-shoes? Are stilts shoes then!

A strange looking lady this one.

Image matters.

Too Much Ambition

His flaming desire to rise to the pinnacle of his career was not doused even when he succeeded in acquiring the pulpit. He still yearned for more. His determination would only cease when he would have risen to the equivalence of the likes of Siddhartha Gautama-founder of Buddhism and Marin Luther king - founder of the Lutheran followers. What kept Rev.Magadi on his toes was his desire to be referred to as 'The Great' or 'Mighty' or 'His Holiness' Magadi - founder of a so and so denomination, cult or even religion!what an ambition he had.It is this inquest that made Rev. Magadi think of the possibility of maneuvering a tactful twist on the 'rigid' story of creation.

This man was determined. His meteoric rise to become the arch-diocese arch- deacon testified just this. All the information in the Bible was at his finger tips(he claimed so), even though he was a mere semi- literate chap- holder of the only primary school certificate and immediately tossed himself into the field of preaching. After a chain series of promotions, he had found himself at this current position in authority over priests and deacons. With these credentials, he thinks he has an idea and gives it a thought of convenience. He uses his handkerchief to only rub sweat. This goes on day in day out for weeks and months until the handkerchief stinks of saturation. He still wipes sweat with it!

Adam Magadi is equally ambitious. He goes to the local high school where he takes sciences. He is child to Mr. Magadi and is fond of taking assignments home.One evening he comes home in his usual way carrying a documents file and shot straight to the kitchen where he spots a can on the stove. The liquid in it was warm as he touched it. He dipped his fingers into the liquid and licked them to establish the contents. It tasted salty. Astutely, he fished his thermometer from his file and lowered its bulb into the now boiling liquid. He recorded the reading on his thermometer that stood at slightly above one hundred degrees Celsius.

Happy at the completion of his days homework,he re-organized his items back to the file and was headed for the door. He made sure that he was leaving behind everything in the order he saw so that it would not appear as if someone had messed up with whatever was cooking. He slanted a gaze backwards to affirm this but, Alas! something was amiss. The can was upside down on the floor and its contents overly spilled on the floor.(maybe)by accident,he had been a little bit careless and fell the can. In a quick action thought,he wiped the floor and made a mild solution of salt and water in the can which he replaced on the stove,and then stealthy vacated the kitchen.

"What is it in the kitchen that's cookin....?"

"Hey please, don't tamper!", cut in his father sharply even before Adam had finished asking.

Shocked at such a sharp reply from his father, Adam just kept quiet and took his usual seat next to his father at the sitting room to watch the television.

"Through with your homework?",asked the Reverend.

"Oh, Yes" replied Adam.

The task given at school that particular day was to establish the actual boiling point of water with impurities especially salty water. Rev.Magadi was busy between the pages of the Bible as he usually was at this hour of the day. Contrary, Adam was fixedly paying audience to the television as if trying to curb his father from shooting in anymore questions. Instinctively, he thought something wasn't quite right after messing up in the kitchen. Somehow, he started feeling guilty.

The salty water continued to boil merrily over the stove. Science followed its course as the level of water fell in the can while more kept on disappearing in the form of steam. On and on it continued to evaporate amid intervals of check -ups by Rev.Magadi who wanted to know how his project was picking on. Meanwhile, Adam was busy with the remote control occasionally switching from channel to channel. Guilt,Guilt,Guilt!

"Eureka!" came the wild shriek that took Adam by a big shock. "I've discovered the LOT THING! what simple science! this is me,hey!" continued the shouts. Adam couldn't continue watching the T.V. He briskly made his way to the kitchen from where the shouts seemed to be originating. Equally surprising, he saw his father deep in prayer holding the can high above him.

"This is more than I can handle",thought Adam and simply went his way.

It was the next Sunday at the chapel and Rev. Magadi was delivering his sermon.
"Fellow Christians. I salute you in the mighty name of our Lord with a verdict for you. You may be surprised to learn how we have been deceiving ourselves all along by thinking that we are made of soil. My dear brethren,WE ARE NOT!",he emphasized. "If you have ever stopped to think and ponder why Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt and not clay during the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. I personally have a practical evidence and can comfortably affirm it today that we are made of salt and not sand...", he said these at the back of his mind referring to his previous experiment in which -he thinks- he boiled his sweat in the solution that resulted when he squeezed the saturated handkerchief in the least possible water and poured it in a can - and collected salt! At least,in his primary school science,he had learned that there is a lot of salt in our bodies that is wasted as sweat and other metabolic processes which is what he had wanted to collect.

It is a sermon that was perceived indifferently by the congregation some of whom looked startled while others doubting. Some made cat-calls, din some looked worried and still some were attentive!

All was not well.I hear that after two weeks,the man was in hospital beds with other mentally challenged fellows!poor man